Reunification, no contact

So, almost 5 months after they went home, I have not heard from them at all. I sent cards on their birthdays, but that is all. Out of Respect for bio family, I told them I would not call, but they could call anytime.

Feels like a break-up, the loss of some people who were like family. Especially hard around the holidays.

It feels like people do not get the sorrow/grief because I chose to do this.

A play

Went to see a play. I got free tickets from my agency and it included a backstage tour. Seriously fun seeing the girls smile and whisper, "I like this show." So sweet.

Going home

Found out the girls go home next Friday. It is bittersweet. I want them to be safe and with their first family, but not sure if that is possible.

But I will enjoy my free time while I miss them like crazy!

What is the right thing?

Ug.

Tonight after the visit was over, the girls' mom missed her ride.

It was a little crazy. The visit ended maybe 5 minutes late. While we were walking out she saw the car (her ride, arranged by children's services) pulling away. She did not try to run and catch it, just patiently held the door for all three kids while she watched the car drive slowly through the parking lot.

Anyway, the moral of the story is I didn't know what to do. Leave her there, offer money, give her a ride? The visit center was closed and the car service place was closed as well.

I ended up offering her money, which she did not take, and called the girls' brother's foster mom for advice. She said don't get involved. So I left her there.

It felt horrible. The kids asked me what mom was going to do. I told them it was a grown up problem and that the grown ups would figure it out.

At the end of the day it the kids are my responsibility, but I still feel yucky about leaving her there.

PC

I guess it means permanent custody.

According to the county and agency caseworkers, that is where this case is headed.

Apparently that will happen after the kids have been in foster care for one year.

Thankfully, that is a long time from now.

What am I going to do?

Mean people

Today we were out to dinner and a woman verbally accosted me and my 2 foster girls.

She called the girls nappy headed and disrespectful and fuckin stupid. In addition, she told me I was the adult and ought to beat some respect into them. The girls were equal parts offended and hurt.

Tried to make it a teachable moment, but yikes, I am still mad.

Well, the girls have been here 2 weeks.

I'm at my wits end. Seriously, constant disrespect, which is coming from children, and I know that I should not let it get to me. That is easier said then done. I have people in my house telling me how stupid I am, how nasty my food is, how they cant drink milk even though they drown their oatmeal in milk ever morning.

I understand why they don't listen to me, but it doesn't make the reality of dealing with it any easier.